Projection
We are mind soup. An awakening insight.
My favorite Shakespeare quote is:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts
How else are we going to understand each other1 unless we can: 1) mentally model/guesstimate each other’s tendencies, wants, proclivities, fears, M.O., etc., and 2) be predictable more-or-less to each other—to be able to be modeled by others2. These are deeper-than-conscious processes, and most of us have instinctual biological heuristics and calculators for them. We couldn’t navigate our social contexts or relationships without them3.
And so, in our attempts to understand, we both project, and are a screen for others’ projections4. The meaningful social fabric we are co-weaving with each other requires it.
What are the raw materials for our projections? We don’t project out from nothing. We are imprinted (projected upon) with the raw materials—the basic elements of stage, character, script, motive, etc.—during our socialization, conditioning, and basic language acquisition of our youth. It tapers off but doesn’t stop as we get older. We can still re-arrange our worlds at older ages, but there’s way more furniture to re-arrange (way more Titanic to turn around), whereas in youth we can re-boot our worlds in a few hours or days (often with sealed compartments that allow for continued functionality despite inability to process some sensation, perception, or experience)5.
Are we not then projecting out from what was first projected onto us? It’s iterative, oscillating, cycling, vibratory. It’s been going on for generations. 🔄🔄🔄 We are imprinted, we project, we learn, we adjust, we re-boot and try to project more effectively (to meet the perceived and felt needs of what we think we are).
Again, the prerequisite for projecting is first being recipient or screen for others’ projections6. This basic, tacit social obligation never goes away except for sociopaths. Per basic human reciprocity, we have an obligation to make space for others’ selfing & worlding as we expect, hope, and depend on others providing such space for our selfing & worlding. Hat tip
for this Ram Dass quote:“I’ll make believe you are who you think you are if you’ll make believe I am who I think I am.”
What is my point?
We are all in mind soup together. This really effing sucks sometimes, but I think this is closer to the nature of “reality” as we7 are perceiving, experiencing, and creating it together. We can make each other’s lives heaven or hell, though most often it is on the spectrum somewhere between extremes.
May we be held in grace8 as we see and awaken to this real phenomenon of mind.
May we project skillfully, with good will and compassion.
May we find deep resources to cope with others’ less skillful or harmful projections. It did not start with any particular individual. It probably started from someone’s basic human ignorance, hunger, and/or fear, acted out harmfully.
May we practice and develop the courage to raise the shared sea levels of metta and mind that we swim in together.
May we connect with the ancient spirits and souls that have been cultivating and transmitting such intentions & practices for millennia.
🙏
As a social species, it behooves us to more-or-less understand each other
The subtle pressure to conform in order to get our needs met is often perceived as offensive or demanding (sometimes even violent or oppressive) by sensitive, perceptive, neurodiverse folk.
Which leads me to my favorite Whitman verse:
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
An overactive, sensitive mind can become host to a large internal community in its attempts to model the agents and social forces it perceives and experiences. The natural internal social calculators and heuristics can then give rise to feelings and behaviors diagnosable as disorders or mental illness.
This is not trivial stuff.
Hat tip to the Headless Way: “I am space for the world.”
As mind understands itself more, and develops trust and equanimity, it tends towards a more pliable, childlike state, accepting that things arise and pass away based on conditions not fully in its control, and trusting that what is needful will arise as it is needed.
We can’t project without having something to project.
humans, gods, whatever we are
Mind often experiences significant turbulence as it sees and understands itself. Imagining being held or watched over by a greater power, greater love, or greater benevolent being can be lifesaving. Nope, more than imagining. Trusting. After crossing the stream, we don’t believe anymore; we know.
How can I see myself, except through the eyes of another, which I have internalized into myself? We all carry around characters of each other (and ourselves) inside of us. The basic social contract says we kinda need to show up for others as they expect us to, or that we kinda have to honor what others project onto us, otherwise there can be no meaningful interaction. “Kinda” because everyone’s certainly always free to go off-script, but of course this makes others have to improvise and re-arrange all their practice, casting, and furniture, and this is costly, and takes a lot of flexibility, accommodation, and work (no not just mental work. The mind-body duality is a myth). Someone who goes off-script a lot is going to be carried around by others as unpredictable or “wild card.” It’s hard to plan around or have relationships with such people.
Narcissists and borderlines like to keep the people around them just off balance. They don’t like others to be too comfortable, but they also, of course, don’t want to sever the relationship, ‘cause all by our lonesome we don’t have anyone to manipulate or take care of us. (I speak from long experience of being possessed of such a narcissistic/borderline personality.) Narcs and BPDs suss out what is being expected of and projected onto them, and then try to use that to their advantage (and they/we do this *automatically* and *unconsciously* Without development of *samadhi* the narc will never even notice its patterns. And narc defenses are impossible to challenge). It really is f*cked up and I’m still wondering how and why I spent so many years possessed that way, but I think it’s just internalized in our childhood experience. It’s a spirit that imprints/embeds powerfully in childhood and adolescence before the mind realizes there are other options.